I will never forget how dead I felt inside and how considerate and how compassionate Dr. S was, she knew he significance of what my decision would mean, she knew Java was my independence, my security and my best friend in the world. Though I also know that her heart is huge and regardless of whether this was my service dog and my partner or if it someone's pet that she was needing to put down her empathy would be equally as huge. I know this more every day that I am fortunate enough to see her work, and see how she so deeply cares for every pet she see's; be it a $5.99 hamster or a $30,000.00 guide dog that someone eye's, her compassion and passion is boundless.
I marvel at how even behind the scenes she loves these animals deeply and feels so much for the human clients that trust her with their care; Dr. S is a true model of kindness and humanitarianism. All of the staff at her clinic are like this, one would think that this would be standard operating procedure in a Vet clinic but it isn't always the case. I have worked in clinics where not all the staff showed this level of care and compassion. In fact I have found that when you are behind the scenes and working within the ranks you quickly discover that not everyone is always as they seem; this is true for many things in life and many occupations of course but having he advantage of seeing people daily in all kinds of situation, when they may be tired or stressed or having a bad day gives you a bit of a window into the kind of people they really are. In this clinic Dr. S must be very particular as to the people she hires to work in the clinic and I really can't see someone lasting very long there who didn't show the level of care and compassion for both human and animal clients alike that I have witnessed. You just would not fit in, not in the least not with the passion these people show for their jobs and the animals that cross their door.
Though I don't work for the clinic, I work in partnership with and in the clinic and we share clients often.The care given is reflected in the dedication of the clients, many of whom have followed Dr. S from clinic to clinic and now that she has opened her own clinic they have nestled their pets into her wonderful care,and what a great place and great people to entrust your pets care to. When you get to see people working behind the scenes you get to really see what they are like and I can tell you I would trust any one of those wonderful compassionate women with the care of any of my pets and that says something. They make the clinic go from a place you take sick animals to a place of healing; sometimes that healing is your pets health and sometimes it is your heart but their compassion, concern and the depth of their devotion and interest in the well being of the clients, be they two legged or four, feathers, fur or skin makes this a place I am proud of being even associated with in a small way and the only place for my fur family.
Dr. S won me over long ago and cemented that with her incredible care of both Java and I in Java's last hours. She called me every day for a week to ask how I was, maybe to some that is not such a big thing but to me it was everything; my whole world just fell apart and the one person who sat with me and shared my pain in my eyes had changed from my vet to my friend and I will ever be grateful for her understanding and I truly believe she knew how deep I hurt.
Even though it has been over 4 years now, it is only in the last year I can speak about loosing Java, even saying her name fills my heart with such pain, some may think this extreme but if you knew Java, if you knew what she did for my life, you would understand; she gave me something no person could, she gave me the opportunity to be whole again, to feel capable, to feel secure no matter what the location or circumstance because I knew if I was going to seizure I would know at least 15 minutes ahead and I could get to safety or out of the public eye. When I did have the seizure she would keep me safe and pull the bath tub plug so I wouldn't drown or she would roll me over so I didn't choke if I vomited, she would orient me when I came around getting me to safety or home, call 911 or get help, get my medication; she made me whole and functional without needing to have a babysitter 24/7 I was able to be a grown up. I could have a bath without needing someone to call me every 5 minutes to be sure I had not drowned. She made it so I felt I could live life like everyone else, a whole me, people didn't have to worry about leaving me alone for a few hours, what I wouldn't give for my husband to be able to go to the Y or anywhere without worrying the whole time if I was laying on the floor injured or burned because I was cooking when I had a seizure. I lost all of that when Java died and I lost my confidence which I had never been short of; I lost the comfortableness I had felt when out in public. I am always wondering if or when a seizure will hit worrying that any odd feeling is a warning . I don't get an aura usually so I get little warning but now I feel the need to try and guess if something I feel is a warning since my early warning system is no longer with me.
I think that day I put Java to sleep I put part of me to sleep too, the part that used to take on the world and never look back. Java was initially given sedation (Ketval) prior to the euthanasia, most dogs fall into a sleep or semi sleep state; Java however refused, she looked into my eyes the entire time she never once took her eyes off me, her body finally had to give into the sedation a bit and she slide into a down and I went down with her to be near her , maybe more for me than her I don't know really, but even then she watched me. She watched me until her heart stopped beating and we had to close her eyes.
I remember two things clearly about that day like it was yesterday; my heart was dying in my chest, I remember feeling dead inside myself, like as her life extinguished mine did too, it felt like that even if it was not the case. The second thing I remember is feeling dread as I thought about why she would not stop looking at me and I remember saying to Dr. S that she wouldn't close her eyes wondering did she think that maybe she was looking at me asking or wondering why I was doing this to her and it was Dr. S who said the words that have made my decision of that day one I have managed to live with without hating my self for choosing it each day. She told me she didn't think so, that Java was very devoted to me and took her job of caring for me seriously and that she loved her job and me. That she believed right to the very moment of her death that Java was doing her job looking after me and watching me to make sure I was OK. She really did know Java to say that because that one statement encompassed who Java was, her love and devotion, her loyalty and her nobility .
Java's rareness and specialness was remarkable,no creature had a bigger heart or selflessness but her legacy now lives on and in her, granddaughter, Kona. I think my world is again shifting, for the better. Kona is showing such promise and so much of Java, it is joyful and painful all at once, she is a minx but loves to learn and is never more happy than when we are working on tasks. She does exactly what Java used to, she is shown the task once or twice, she tries it, she gets it, she understands it and OK we learned that now what's next! Java's ability to learn 7 different disciplines of training fully were directly related to this kind of attitude to anything she tackled, she loved to learn and do, she was self motivated and devoted and Kona is the same through and through. She tackles mischief with the same drive, vigor and quick processing...and so did JAVA. Java was a going concern as a pup and tormented Kiwi like Kona does the boys in our menagerie.....Not to be corny but I
think there is more coffee in this pot and I just found my second perfect cup.
Oh the results of Kona's visit with Dr.S well lets see.... Kona finds Dr. S is a wonderful chew toy and gives the best back scratches, has tasty buttons, warm hands and a very kind interesting voice, they are going to be great friends. Dr. S found that Kona is growing by great leaps she has doubled in size since we brought her home and even since last week she went from 7.2 pounds to 10.4 pounds today. Her eye's are good not entropian or ectropian, she does have a grade one very faint heart murmur which we already
knew about and Dr. S has confirmed but it is an innocent murmur which means we expect her to outgrow it. All in all she is presenting as a healthy, bubbly, naughty, Labrador puppy and with Dr. S's help we aim to keep her that way!
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